Memories of her.

I remember the last time she told me she loved me. I remember the last time we kissed. I remember the last time we hugged. I remember the last time we talked for hours on the phone. I remember the last time I was happy. I remember the time we fell asleep on the phone with each other. I remember the love I saw in her everytime we looked into each others eyes. I remember the softness of her skin. I remember the warmth of her body. I remember her beauty and everything it came with. I remember everything we ever shared. I remember because that's all I can do. the good times and the bad still remain in my head. i'll love you until I can love no more. You were my wish when I wished upon a shooting star. I made a mistake, and now i have to live with that. Come back to me? You promised me we would be together forever. Im sorry. Forgive me?

maybe i was something you could be good at,

Romance is dead

...

"i'd rather spend the rest of my life all alone than be with anyone else but you"

hmmp,

I miss her love :(

The definition of love,

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.
-Andrew landon

Love like a melody,

My heart will beat consistently the sound of love like a melody
the purest love alive in me is bringing out the best in me
dont degrade your lips to speak a source of pain for the world to receive
feel the light shining in, fall in love and love again
fall in love again.
Love is breaking through, it's taking us to a place where all find hope and hope again. Grace is what we need, could we believe that this could bring us back, bring us back again.
In life we see the ones who hurt the ones afraid to be alone,
so believe me when you hear me you are not the only one.
we are needy oh so needy feeling what we were not meant to know,
what if really living meant to give your life for something more.
There is so much more.
Only you can bring us back. only you can bring us back again.
-Vernadore

This smile,

This smile isn't real it's just a lie. When you look at me and I smile it's not real. It's fake. Im not really happy, but im good at making people believe I am. Im just a big liar. I look around at people smiling and being happy and I wonder if they mean it or if their just big fat liars like me?

How I truly feel.

I put on a smile infront of my friends and family, but truly im frowning on the inside. I dont know it's just like i dont want to show how I feel to people because I don't want them thinking im any different then anyone else, and when im alone it's like my true emmotions come out and I just go crazy. It's not like cutting myself or holding a gun to my head it's just like I start punching myself in the face, screaming until I cant breath, crying, and just going absolutly crazy. I just feel like im on fire most of the time just because of so much anger and hate built up inside. I don't even know what to do anymore.

eeeeeep,

I found out today that boots suck I never want to be a redneck for a day again hahaha.
Lifes good :)
BOOM!!!
I think i like someone forreal now :DD

9/15/08

Today was pretty good i went out to eat with taylor and her mammie then i sat there and watched her sit on the computer for like 8 hours :D

Then I came home and talked to jessica :(
Everytime I talk to her i just miss her more and more and i beat myself up inside knowing it was my fault she's gone.

ahahah yesss!

I finally got a car, and I finally met someone who I really like she's really sweet and I get to see her everyday now :).

Life should be good from now on.

You don't even understand,

All I want to do is be with you. I can't even look at any other girl because it makes me fucking sick. You tell me you miss me and that you love me, but I know if you truly meant it you wouldn't be with that other guy and you would come back to me. Im not waiting like last time. I refuse to go through that pain ever again. I guess if you do want to be with me you know what to do.

.

Im just not even going to care anymore. Im just going to move on with my life and try my best to be happy. Maybe one day i'll find someone who will truly want to spend the rest of their life with me, but for now I think i'll just have my fun while im still a teenager because I never know when im going to die.

:(

just,

just hearing her voice for the 15 minutes we were on the phone and to here her tell me she loves me made my day.

I'll always love you

I miss the way we were so crazy about each other, two young teenagers madly in love. Sometimes I wish I could tell you everything, make everything alright. I know you still love me but there's something jaded about the way that you look at me now. There's something in our conversations that keep us from saying everything that we'd like to. I don't know if it'll ever get that good again, and I'm afraid to let go of this and afraid to start something new, because what if it's never the same? What if you were the best one for me?

If I could meet you again for the first time, what would I say? Knowing you'd become my first love in the future and we'd date for almost 2 years and become glue and somewhere down the line...We didnt stick anymore.

There will come a day, when you lay your head on a guys chest and you realize his heartbeat doesnt match yours.

Our love was so strong that we felt each others love from 3,000 miles away.

I will love you until I can say no more. You hung the stars in the sky, what makes you think you can not love me again? I just wish for you to come back. To realize that you are happy with me. That we can be happy again. You may say that you don't love me anymore but I know deep down you do. If you just give me a call, if you just listen to what I have to say then maybe we could be together again. Maybe we could be that couple that no body could stop the love coming from each others hearts! I find it impossible to get through to you but for some reason after a year I'm still fighting for it. Still fighting for that phone call from you, to hear your voice on the other end. To know that I'm happy again. I just wish you knew how much I miss you. How much time I spend thinking about you. How much time I put in my day to think of things to do to get you back...

I don't understand

How can you move on so fast?
You gave me up without even a fight?

whatever idc anymore.

I wonder

Why is life so challenging?
is that the point?

another day gone bye alone.

nothing :(

that's exactly what I have now.
fuck life, fuck love, fuck everything.

Everything!

Everythings horrible, I dont know who to even trust anymore.
I wish I had all of my old friends back. I think about them everyday, But there all gone like little chunks of my heart. They all threw me away. For what? a bitch, a girl/guy they will be with for the rest of there lives? fuck no! there all people that will fuck them over in the future. I loved everyone of them some more than others but atleast they would have always had my love, but they fucked that up big time, i'll never look at any of them the same way. Im just a memory no one really even cares about.

one love

jessika your my everything.
your the only girl i'll ever love.
i want to grow old and have beautiful intellegent children with you.
promise me you'll love me forever?